Where’s your sweet spot? The balance between confidence and arrogance.

Why is it that too much of something becomes a bad thing? We have all heard that phrase, “too much of a good thing.” And while we might not like to admit it, it is true. I have a weakness for sugar, but if I eat it too often, I gain weight. This causes a chain reaction because being fit is also important to me. So, I compensate for this love of sugar by increasing my hours in the gym. As I increase my hours in the gym, I forgo time at home with my wife and family. Life is full of balancing acts like this one.

Another such balancing act is needed between confidence and arrogance. As an executive transition coach, I work with clients on confidence frequently. Although, it should be noted that even though I have been in the healthcare business for 30 years, I can name only 10 people I thought were truly arrogant. Most people in healthcare seem to be somewhat humble, but when that is overstated it too can become a negative.

What is arrogance? Somebody once said to me “confidence becomes arrogance when performance dips.” At what point does confidence become too much? When does arrogance come into play, and how can you strike a balance between the two? The answer lies in humility ...or rather in your ability to be humble.

Urban Dictionary states that, “To be humble is to have a realistic appreciation of your great strengths, but also of your weaknesses.”

Your confidence level is absolutely essential in securing your next position. Sometimes the client is overly afraid of coming across as cocky, other times the client is already so cocky, we have to work on humility and self-awareness. Whatever side of the spectrum the client falls on, we talk about ways to meet in the middle and find their sweet spot.

How to find your confidence sweet spot:

  1. Take an inventory of your professional accomplishments. Be honest with yourself. Be proud of yourself. Self-awareness is the first step in identifying whether you fall on the arrogant or the self-deprecatory side of the spectrum.
  2. Record yourself talking about your accomplishments. Then play it back so you can hear how you are coming across. Does it sound like bragging to you? Or perhaps you are actually downplaying the work you put into a project? Neither scenario is ideal, but if you are able to identify it, you can modify your message and practice a new approach to telling your story. One that is genuine and strikes a healthy balance between what you accomplished, while giving credit where due.
  3. Observe others. Seek out and observe people with the right level of confidence and write down your observations. It always helps in defining what the right level of confidence is for you.
  4. Ask a friend or two to be candid with you. Look at yourself through their eyes. Put your pride to the side and take note of any areas they identify where you could make improvements. This is sometimes very difficult and hard to hear, but if you really listen, it can be invaluable feedback.
  5. Be willing to take responsibility, but not too much. Arrogant people don’t like to take any responsibility, while confident people admit their error, and create an action plan to remedy the error.

Above all, be genuine and honest with not only everyone else, but perhaps most importantly -- to yourself. When you are able to see yourself objectively, both the positive and the negative, then you can speak confidently -- and with the right amount of humility -- during your next interview or conversation with a recruiter.

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